Tonight was the 70th annual Golden Globe Awards, a night celebrating the cinematic masterpieces of the last year and the cast and crew that helped make — just kidding it’s a night to play Fashion Police in your living room with a bottle of wine. I have to say, I was pretty bored with 90% of dresses and there was only one jaw-dropping moment that you’ll see below. Lots of red, blush, and lace done right and wrong, strange busts and too much dated satin; the mid-50s weather in Los Angeles must have been very disorienting today. Let’s start with the fun part. (Runway/lookbook photos bolded in the captions where I could find them.)
Kelly Osbourne in Zac Posen
She looks so happy but this dress is tragic, even more so because she wore a beautiful Zac Posen dress in purple to the Emmy’s last September. The pale green color is drab (or like dirty mop bucket water), the accessories are random, and the bottom of the dress seems like the designer forgot to finish sewing. The one good thing is the emerald earrings. If she stuck with that shade it might have worked.
Taylor Swift in Donna Karan Atelier
The wrinkled satin material, the neckline, the straps – this is a ’90s prom dress. Save for the pretty eggplant color, the girl in the ill-fitting green dress behind Swifty showed her up. The matchy-matchy earrings are a bit much, too. It would have been nice to see some sparkly gold.
Rachel Weisz in Louis Vuitton
Polka dots don’t belong at a black tie event. They just don’t. Dare I say it, this looks like it should be on the sale rack at Forever 21. The shoes, however, are hot and look great behind the sheer skirt.
Lena Dunham in custom Zac Posen
I want to believe in Lena. She is slowly upping her game on the red carpet but this is still a swing and a miss. It simply looks too heavy on her and the short hair emphasizes its matronly look. And where are the accessories?? A statement necklace would have made this so much nicer
Jessica Chastain in custom Calvin Klein Collection
After showing up at the Oscars last year in one of my favorite Alexander McQueen gowns, I was really looking forward to her choice tonight. Ignoring the bad hairdo, seafoam is a stunning color for her skin and hair color but it the strange, baggy bust kills it. You’re better than sideboob, Jessica!
Halle Berry in Atelier Versace
Oh, Halle. OH, Halle. I am begging her to give up the pineapple hair. This dress looks like something you can buy at Chico’s at the mall. It’s just plain trashy looking. Nude shoes and the bangle bracelets, however, were a good choice.
Sienna Miller in Erdem
Do I even have to explain myself? She is so gorgeous. This is just painful to look at. Please keep scrolling.
Amy Poehler in custom Stella McCartney
Amy is one of my personal heroes, but it’s rare that she wears something truly sexy. The plunge of this custom Stella suit is so unexpected and is made elegant with the lariat necklace. Her strappy heels and ankle-length pants expose just enough skin to balance out the look. I only wish I had a photo of her partner-in-crime’s first dress of the show for the list because Tina Fey was the most gorgeous I’ve ever seen her in the navy sparkly dress.
Jessica Alba in Oscar de la Renta
Zooey Deschanel also showed up in a strapless Oscar gown but Jessica stole the show in orange. I’m going to ignore the hairy clutch and focus on her décolletage. That necklace is the perfect shape and the perfect choice simply because she chose not to add any more than that. I would have liked a different lip color on her but if the Muppet clutch couldn’t sway me, her lipstick isn’t a big deal, either.
Megan Fox in Dolce & Gabbana
Many women tried to pull off blush tonight and ended up looking washed out, but Megan’s fair complexion and dark hair helped her avoid a monochromatic mess. This photo doesn’t do it justice, but I loved the delicate, subtle lace and how it comes down into alternating panels on the bottom. She also came with a hot accessory, her husband Brian Austin Green.
Amanda Seyfried in Givenchy
Another great example of light and subtle lace, the diamond bust on Amanda’s dress is really flattering, and what looks like a tie clip gave her a nice and simple way to accessorize.
Claire Danes in custom Versace Atelier
Here it is, the moment that actually made my jaw drop. This bitch had a baby a MONTH ago and she looks absolutely flawless. I love the waist detail, which probably helped her hide a little post-baby pooch (as if she even had one), and she just looks so happy and effortlessly pretty. Red is a standout color for her.
Morena Baccarin in Valentino Couture
I know I stand alone on this but Morena’s dress was my #1 favorite of the night. About 90% of my closet is black so I gravitate towards darker colors, and it was just different. The whole night, everyone either had similar dresses, boring colors, or were wearing the same trends. This Valentino gown stood out with its navy chiffon and black accents. The front sequin panel and sheer sleeves, the black along the bottom, UGH I am obsessed with it. I only wish she showed off her nails in the Mani Cam on E!
So now that you’ve seen my best and worst dressed, who were yours?